It’s not so much a request as a demand. The same demand that plagues me every morning (or is it afternoon?) since finishing college. “If you’re not going to do anything in this house, at least do that,” my parents say.
They’ve been saying something like it since spring break. Since the dawn of my inevitable unemployment. Unemployment. It’s the most terrible yet truthful word haunting many other college grads like myself. When they say I’m doing nothing, I actually am. Sending out several copies of my resume along with several specialized and constantly revised copies of cover letters. Each carrying the same essential message: Hire me. Please!
It’s already August. I’ve already turned 23. The summer’s almost over. In two days I can count two months since I was supposed to be officially done with college. Technically, it’s only been a month and a half, or a little bit more. Officially, technically — it’s almost all the same to me. Days melt into hours, hours into days, days into weeks…etc… you get the picture. All these saved copies of past sent resumes with filled out pre-applications, they pile up in my hard drive. I’ve got folders within folders. Within more folders, that I can’t remember all the abbreviations and labels for. I’ll find a folder labeled “P”. What the hell does “P” stand for? I double-click on the icon. Oh, it’s a storage for all the companies I’ve applied to that start with the letter P. And then some. But what about the other P companies that I’ve seen in other folders. Oh, all these were from my internship applying days. Days that are long gone, and I kind of wish they’d be back again.
Do you ever find yourself almost missing college? I miss the people, I sort of miss the drama, I miss the classes, I miss a few instructors/professors. I miss the social life. I miss the food (it was always an adventure, looking for food), perhaps I should rephrase, I miss the adventure of looking for something edible or the mad scramble to scrounge up enough money to pay/tip the delivery guy. I miss the dorm life. I miss the SAC Basement Crew. I miss going to the gym and pretending like I actually knew how to do something.
That’s the other thing I fill my days and nights with. The days and nights that don’t distinguish between one another anymore. I sleep after 4 or 5 in the morning and rise well past noon. Each day feels the same. Send out more applications. Eat. Sleep. Reminisce. Reminisce with friends who have held a job for far longer than you.
Those are the lucky ones. What happened to my luck? Maybe it’s some kind of karma on a grand scale that I don’t know about yet. I don’t have an explanation. I just know that it is. And it’s making me have to clean my room.