9.21.2005 – I can concentrate on anyth– ooh! Pretty colors!

21 09 2005

I tell myself I have Kiki-syndrome. Yes. I just made that syndrome up. Maybe it’s supposed to be an affliction. I can’t remember the difference between syndrome and other things. And if you don’t know who Kiki is go here: Sluggy Freelance and go look for a thread that has a hyperactive ferret with blue eyes. Hint: She poings a lot.

All throughout elementary school and, I suspect, also part of high school my teachers have always noted on a report card that I have “a tendency to wander into la-la land” or “a tendency to get distracted by small things”. I can’t understand why. I manage to finish the latest Harry Potter book in a little under four hours. I get into a TV show or movie and I can watch reruns or anything pertaining to that for hours on end. Start me eating on food I love, I’ll eat way past my full mark. What are these people talking about? I have exceptional concentration.

Just not when I’m supposed to. Someone once told me that our obsessive phases (which I say “our” because a whole half of my family have the same tendencies) coincide with a possible manic episode. We’re all so excited about this ONE thing. Whether it be home improvement, a fashion trend, food, something online… this ONE thing consumes us. Makes us the most happy. And then we find a new thing, and we wait for the cycle to continue so we can once again be happy beyond happiness with this one thing. Other things have a longer shelf life, such as my obsession with the internet. Other things stay for a shorter time, such as my obsession with James Marsters (BtVS – Spike fame). Or baking cakes. I still have a box of cake mix from early May that I was first intending to bake for my mom’s birthday/Mother’s Day. Then it got bumped to my graduation, then to my grad party, Father’s Day, middle of the summer for the hell of it, my cousin coming to visit from Seattle (and her three kids), my birthday, my nephew’s baptism… and here we are in September, and I still haven’t found a suitable occasion to bake a simple yellow cake from a box of yellow cake mix.

There was also that dvd that I was so gung-ho on making for first Mother’s Day, then Father’s Day, then to hell with it, my birthday, and finally my parents’ 33rd wedding anniversary. Guess what, that project is still 5% finished on my hard drive.

Can’t forget all my half-finished job applications. I dont’ know what it is with me. I do want a job, and I do take advantage of my slightly manic episodes so I can get stuff done, but in the doldrums — I don’t do a damn thing. Or maybe I can’t find anything worth doing.




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