Growing up and growing apart.

6 11 2006

Sometimes I wonder how huge groups of friends from pre-school still stay friends after all these years. Sometimes I listen to what they talk about, and wonder if snack choices in preschool actually have any influence on the lives of mid-20-somethings. Or if crush options in elementary school really had any effect on their dating lives in junior high school.

Do these people really grow up? Not that I’m knocking strong support groups — but I’ve always been used to one or two friends that manage to grow up in the same way I have — and we don’t really have to resort to old childish memories to keep the friendship going on.

In the words of an acquaintance,

it’s like a chore, hanging out with them.

Friendships are supposed to be fun, and the last thing I want is for it to seem like a chore.




2 responses

12 11 2006

When I used to work at SBU, I had a co-worker who was going through a similar problem with one of her friends. This was over the summer, so she was sitting there drinking a Coffee Coolata. How is this relevant to the topic? I saw her sucking all the coffee out of the coolata and (for once not thinking something sexual) was struck with a profound thought. Well, profound for me, anyway. I told her to pretend her friendship with this guy was like drinking her coolata (stay with me here, it’ll make sense in a minute). It’s a great thing at first, full of flavor and something to be fully enjoyed. As time passes, it’s still flavorful and satisfying, however, a coolata’s not infinitely rewarding.

When you drink a slushee of any sort, what happens more often than not, is that you’ll eventually suck all the flavor out of the drink, leaving nothing but flavorless ice at the bottom of the cup. No one really likes the ice, but they often drink it anyway because they feel that since it’s part of the drink, they have to. Sometimes, it’s better to throw out the cup once the flavor’s gone, as opposed to continuing to drink the ice, wishing there was some flavor left.

Friendships can go the same way. Sometimes, there comes a point where, no matter how flavorful the relationship was, there ends up being nothing but ice at the bottom of the cup. If you continue to suck at the ice, reminiscing, and even resentment can occur, ruining the whole experience of the entirety of the drink. When the flavor’s gone, sometimes it’s better to stop drinking and leave with fond memories of the coolata.

It’s a retarded example, of course, but it made sense to us at the time. At least it makes more sense in my head.

5 12 2006

I understand that when a friendship is ‘sucked dry’ as you put it you might want out but sometimes when your friendship was really strong for a very long time its hard to just let go. You’ve depended on this person for such a long time and its hard to think that you guys aren’t as close as you once were. I wonder whether there’s any way to maybe fix this problem….maybe spending time apart would help?? or more time together? I see this friend most often when I don’t have much sleep and am stressed so I tend to get annoyed with her and yell a lot and I hate myself for doing it. Now I’ve tried to stop, but I dont want to just give up the friendship just yet because we were so close for so many years. Any advice?

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