1 03 2007

I’m not sure if this is something universally felt, or if it’s just something particular to me right now. I’m not sure what, or if I can blame anything specifically.

Sure, there’s some aura of uncertainty after college. But, what if, when presented with the question ‘what do you like?’ or more importantly — ‘what are you good at?’ — what if you don’t know how to answer?

And then you really start thinking about the things you can do. And whether or not you can do it exceptionally well as compared to other people who may also be good at the tasks you’ve mentally listed.  I’m not going to be given any medals for being able to do the things I do — that’s for sure.

you need to get a fire under your pants

you’re too smart

nothing is easy

you’re always better than u think

Nice statements… but how come I don’t feel smart? I don’t think this is a by-product of Only Child Syndrome — othewise I would think I’m awesome at everything. I do remember a time when I was the golden standard for everything. How come I’m not anymore? I understand that things change, so standards change in turn… But I didn’t think I was spectacular at anything back then either.

I was that kid who kicked instead of swam during swimming classes. I managed to squeak by NYSSMA for piano. What I didn’t have in an awesome voice, I seem to have made up for in sheer volume and the ability to parrot (to sing). I’m a tech-savvy girl — but I don’t do any of that fancy programming stuff.

Am I good at just picking things up quickly — but not really doing anything with it? Everything’s so mixed up and contradictory.

Maybe that’s just the nature of self-doubt. Yuck.




4 responses

1 03 2007

You sound like a normal young person. The challenge of going out into the real world I think is very daughting. If you didn’t have self doubt, that would be strange. Just take every opportuinty as it comes. Hopefully you will find the little clues along the way. It is the growing process. It all takes time. Enjoy.

4 03 2007
Jeff James

Life punishes those who feel and rewards those who think.
– Fortune Cookie

4 03 2007

So I’m still damned if I think about the way I feel.

5 03 2007
Jeff James

No, if you make a rational connection to your emotions you’ll be happy, or at least capable of feeling resolute regardless of the circumstances and how far away a solution may seem.

If you connect to your emotions as they come up sporadically, than you’ll not have the luxury of thought to protect against uncertainty and self doubt. It’s not the emotion or the thought…the secret lies in the approach. Diving into emotion without thought is akin to landing a plane you’ve never flown. Sure you may know how to fly…but you’re not in groove with the cockpit as well as you might’ve been had learned in advance.

Do you think Chuck Yaeger learned how to fly before he broke the sound barrier?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: